


Swear That I'm Yours

by Kellex05



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-14 00:19:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4543002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kellex05/pseuds/Kellex05
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex explores a new path in life after separating from Serv. This new path involves bumps, twists, and turns, that may or may not destroy her two best friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first try at writing something like this so please let me know what I can fix!

Kelley sighed as she stared at her reflection in the mirror and began to question just how pathetic her life was becoming. Spending the last 2 hours crying had really taken a toll on her. There was a faint headache starting to settle in and her throat was raw from the sobs that had managed to escape her throat. Her face was red and blotchy and her eyes were so blood shot that her once hazel eyes were now a pale ocean green. The ocean was Kelley’s escape and that was what she needing right now, an escape. Making this connection her eyes began to water once again and she felt her stomach begin to sink. She shook her head “don’t you dare,” she challenged her reflection and swiftly turned from the hotel mirror and decided it was time for her to go to bed.

Tonight did not go as planned. She was forced to go down to the hotel ballroom where a celebration of some sorts was being held in order to kick off the victory tour. Normally Kelley enjoyed the party scene but the overcrowded, loudness of the festivities only made her long for the quiet, loneliness of her room. Her teammates noticed this sudden change in the once loud and obnoxious girl that they all hated to love. Her new behavior was met with concerned looks from Hope and constant questioning from Ashlyn and Ali. She had almost convinced the team to let her sit this one out, until Syd decided that they should all be there to “support” Alex. Since her trial separation from Servando that began the week after the world cup, Alex had fallen down a drunken spiral that began to worry everyone. She decided that for once in her life she wanted to explore a path that she was never able to since she was always tied down. This path included blacking out at local bars in Portland and waking up in bed with unknown strangers. These strangers included both men and women, which came as a surprise to everyone especially Kelley. She had been secretly in love with her best friend for years now and was finally convincing herself to move on. She wasn’t going to risk the friendship that the two girls had and besides Alex was the definition of the word straight, or so Kelley thought. But the shock factor quickly wore off after Kelley spent two agonizing hours down in the ballroom witnessing Alex drunkenly flirt with a long legged tan girl. She watched as Alex’s hand on the girl’s thigh slid further and further up as she whispered into the girl’s ear. At that point Kelley excused herself fearing that the tears would start to roll at any second and ran to the nearest elevator ignoring Alex as she called her name.

Kelley grabbed her stuffed squirrel from the nightstand and turned off the overhead light, leaving just the bedside lamp on. She bolted the door knowing her roommate, Lauren, was planning on staying with her husband for the night and crawled into bed. She was finally able to enjoy her peace and quiet. She quickly checked her phone and was unfortunately reminded that she still hadn’t texted Tobin back from earlier in the day.

 **Toby** : _Hey Kel, we haven’t talked since the world cup celebration and I think we both really need to..hope your ok_

The night USA won the world cup; Kelley and Tobin had gotten extremely drunk. They were the last ones awake and some how found themselves wathing the sunrise on the roof of the hotel. That is when Tobin confessed to her that she too was in love with Alex and they had drunkenly made out in the bathroom. The taller girl was looking to Kelley for advice but all Kelley had to offer was a sudden outburst of tears and silence for the last month and a half. It had crushed Kelley but it wasn’t Tobin’s fault. She had no clue about her feelings for Alex; at this point she had only confided in Ashlyn and Ali. After multiple attempts of typing out a message and then deleting it Kelley gave up. Ignoring the problem wasn’t going to make it go away, she knew this. But she also knew she wasn’t ready to deal with it either.

Suddenly there was a loud pounding on the door that startled Kelley. She took her time getting out of bed _who the hell is could this be_ she thought as she slowly walked to the door.

“Kelley are you in there? Its Alex.”

Kelley froze at the booming voice coming from the other side of the door and felt her stomach drop _Just pretend you’re asleep and she’ll go away_.

“Come on Kell I know you’re in there, or at least I hope you’re in there cause ya know how embarrassing it would be if you weren’t like I’d be talking to a metal”

Kelley quickly unlocked the door and flung it open “Are you kidding me its almost 2:30 in the morning, people are sleeping, and here you are shouting in the middle of the hall,” she hissed in a low whisper. Kelley quickly scanned the now frightened Alex from head to toe. She was clearly drunk, swaying back and forth and slightly hiccupping and although Kelley was pissed at the girl’s behavior she couldn’t help but feel the butterflies creep into her stomach. They sat in silence for what felt like forever and there was an uneasy tension that made Alex’s stomach regret that last shot of vodka she had just taken. Kelley finally exhaled sharply “what do you need Al, I need to get up early in the morning to meet Christen for breakfast?”

Alex could tell Kelley had been crying but decided not question her. Kelley did not seem too pleased to see her and seeing her friend in this sort of state made her chest ache. “Well can I come in, I had a rough night and I don’t want to be alone in my room because Ashlyn is with Ali and,” she began to nervously ramble afraid of Kelley’s response.

Kelley cut the taller brunette off and helped her into the room, throwing her clothes to sleep in before settling back into bed. “I’m surprised you’re here, what happened to the hottie at the bar, did she cause your rough night?” Kelley was trying her best to sound like a concerned friend and not an idiotic jealous person.

Alex quickly changed and sat down on the end of the bed. “She was just trying to use me,” she sighed, “She isn’t actually single and the bartender is her fiancé, His birthday is next week and her gift to him was going to be a threesome.” She looked up to her friend hoping to find a pair of eyes offering her sympathy but was instead met with a mischievous smirk across her face.

“Well damn Al that sucks, I’m sorry. It reminds me of a real life tinder moment that is horrible. Thank God you swiped left.” Kelley busted out laughing, She quickly stopped once she the taller girl quickly stood up and crossed her arms over her chest. She saw the hurt in her friend’s eyes, which resulted in an unwelcomed feeling of regret “Okay sorry it was a joke dude. I’m sorry that happened but its quite common. People are idiots and think just cause you’re into girls you’re automatically down for shit like that. Come lay down, I’ll be big spoon for once,” Kelley said trying her best to console Alex.

Alex slowly climbed into bed and Kelley pulled her in. They laid there in silence, as Kelley could smell the sweet lavender scent of Alex’s hair. Her arm laid across Alex’s waist and Alex began to softly trace lines going from freckle to freckle like a game of connect the dots.

Alex’s foggy drunken thoughts started to slowly clear as she was lying there. She suddenly remembered how sad and lonely Kelley looked when she first arrived and how selfish she was for not addressing it earlier. “Kel, can I ask you something without you getting mad at me,” she whispered.

Kelley stiffened as Alex turned her body over so that her and Kelley were now facing each other. She had no idea what to expect and didn’t know if she wanted to. She swallowed hard and shook her head yes as her response.

“Were you crying earlier? You haven’t been yourself lately; you’ve kind of changed. Not that change is a bad thing because it isn’t. I’m not the only one to notice the whole team has. I know I’ve asked you multiple times what’s wrong and you always answer that you’re fine and there is nothing wrong, but I don’t know if I believe you.” She paused hoping for a response but was once again met with silence. “I’m worried about what’s going on in that beautiful brain of yours. You’ve got to open up Kelley, you’ve got to let me in.” Alex stared into Kelley’s eyes trying to find an opening, some sort of response but all she saw was the pool of tears begin to grow and knew that was all she was going to get. _Oh Kell please I’m trying_. Alex took the smaller girl’s face into her hands, “ I love your freckles,” she whispered and leaned in placing a gentle kiss on Kelley’s nose and then an even softer one on Kelley’s lips. She turned herself over and snuggled deeper into Kelley’s body. “I love you Kell. Always have, always will,” Alex said softly.

Before Kelley could respond to what just happened there was a soft gentle snore coming from the body next to her. Kelley pulled her in tighter and felt the tears roll down her cheeks. She was left with so many questions but her only answer was sleeping peacefully in her arms.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex wakes up in an unfamiliar bed and Christen tries to break down Kelley's walls

Alex woke up with a slight pounding in her head and felt a wave a nausea pass over her that caused a small groan to escape _what the hell did I drink last night._ She knew it had to still be very early in the morning because the sun was just starting to peek its way through the room. She peacefully watched it as it danced across the hotel wall and her eyes grew heavy once again. She shifted in the bed to allow herself to get more comfortable and suddenly became aware of the legs intertwined with her own.

 _Fuck Alex why do you keep doing this to yourself_. She didn’t think she drank that much last night but as she began to try and piece together the hazy events of last night she soon thought otherwise. She knew she would eventually have to face the stranger next to her and knew from previous experience that sooner was much better than later. She carefully untangled herself and turned over softly making sure to not wake the person. But instead of meeting a face she was greeted by an adorable stuffed little squirrel smiling back at her.

_Kelley_

The smaller girl was still fast asleep and Alex allowed herself a minute to admire her best friend. Kelley’s hair had fallen out of the bun that she had placed it in prior to going to sleep and was now splashed across the white pillowcase creating a sea of amber waves.

As Alex mentally noted just how beautiful and peaceful her friend looked, she suddenly remembered the opposite when she first arrived at Kelley’s room last night. She had never seen Kelley so physically and mentally destroyed. Everyone on the team had noticed the already petite defender had lost a drastic amount of weight since the world cup and the bags under her eyes continued to grow darker and darker. When Houston played Kelley’s NWSL team, Sky Blue, Carli and Meghan immediately called Alex after the game to express their concern. But she didn’t know what to do. She was watching her best friend fall apart in front of her and no matter how hard she tried to figure out what was wrong Kelley always assured her that she was fine. She even asked Tobin to help but Tobin was met with the same response. Kelley had officially shut herself off from the world. Her once permanent smile that would light up any room was now darkened behind sunken cheeks and empty stares.

Without even thinking Alex leaned in and gently placed a kiss on Kelley’s lips like a mother would place on her sleeping child.

 _What the hell_ Alex immediately realized what she had just done and what she had done the night before. She was thankful that the kiss was gentle enough to not wake her sleeping friend but why did she do that, why did she kiss Kelley the night before, why did she suddenly have a feeling that was unrecognizable wash over her the longer she laid their watching Kelley as she slept? Alex decided she needed to leave the room and get some fresh air and quickly left the room making sure to not look back.

Kelley woke up 20 minutes later to the sound of her alarm cutting the silence in the room. Her head ached in a different way then that of Alex’s, her pain was from crying herself to sleep mixed with clouded thoughts of confusion. She knew instantly that Alex was no longer there with out even having to feel the coldness of the sheets. She knew instantly she was no longer there because even though the bed felt lighter, the room itself had a heavy feeling that made Kelley’s head hurt even more. She rolled over hoping Alex had left some sort of note or explanation for her early departure but she was left with nothing. She quickly checked her phone but only had a message waiting for her from her other favorite attacker, Christen.

**6:39 a.m. Stanford Sista** _: Hey Kelley, hope I don’t wake you but I was up early and wanted to make sure we’re still getting breakfast at 8:00! Can’t wait to catch up!_

 

Kelley groaned and quickly sent a reply confirming their breakfast plans. She didn’t want to go but knew that she couldn’t cancel with out Christen becoming suspicious. She checked the clock and realized that it was 7:43 and she was going to be late. She rolled herself out of bed and tried her best to make herself look presentable before heading to the café next to the hotel that Kling had recommended to the team the night before.

By the time she arrived at the café, she was five minutes late and was hoping Christen wouldn’t notice. She found the tan skin girl sitting at a table near the front windows, her head was buried in a book and her dark hair flowed over covering her face. Kelley quietly tried to sit in the empty seat in front of her but Christen knew she was there and laughed.

“You’re only five minutes late Kel. I ordered you a coffee, black, just the way you like it,” the younger girl assured her as she slid the coffee across the table.

She looked up and flashed a bright smile at Kelley, which disappeared immediately and was replaced with a look of concern. Christen could tell that her best friend had tried her best to pull her self together before coming. She was wearing leggings and her favorite Stanford hoodie. Her hair was brushed into a high pony and she had a smile plastered across her face. But Christen knew better, she could see behind the clothes and the face that something was wrong. Her smile was forced and didn’t meet her eyes. Her eyes instead held a dark gloomy look that reminded Christen of the sky before a storm.

 

“How are you?” Christen asked although she clearly already knew the answer.

 

“Great! Just tired and I have this headache I can’t seem to shake,” Kelley sighed trying her best to keep her composure and avoid eye contact.

She knew she could open up to Christen. She knew that she should open up to Christen. The younger girl was a great listener, and was even better at giving advice. She was there for her when Kelley fell head over heels for Hope back in 2012 and was there to pick up the pieces when Hope decided it was best that they stay friends. But Kelley didn’t open up to anyone anymore. She was a fortress: not letting anyone in and not letting anything out.

Christen wasn’t stupid; she knew what was going on. She knew the way Kelley’s eyes lit up when a certain attacker would enter the room and the way Kelley’s happiness had finally returned since Hope had set the small defender straight.

“Mhmm,” Christen hummed before taking a small sip of her coffee for courage. “Kel, I’ve known you for how long, and you think I buy your response? I’m offended. I’m not going to force it out of you but I think I know what’s going on and you know I am here for you.”

 

“There is nothing going on Chris, I promise.” Kelley quickly assured her friend. But Kelley knew that there was no such luck and watch as Christen fought between giving up and pressing her more. 

 

Finally Christen sighed and looked up. She knew she said she wasn’t going to force Kelley to open up but she also knew she couldn’t keep watching her friend wither away. “I saw Alex at your room last night, and I saw her leave this morning. What was that all about?” She looked Kelley straight in the eyes.

 

“Are you spying on me now little one?” Kelley joked and threw her head back laughing. “It was nothing, she had a bad night and needed someone to talk to.”

 

Christen’s cheeks turned a rosy red as she became suddenly embarrassed by Kelley’s accusation. “I wouldn’t call it spying when you’re peacefully in your bedroom meditating before bed and suddenly hear a screaming voice outside your room at 2 in the morning. Plus I was going for a run this morning and saw her awkwardly sneak out of your room.”  Christen took the last sip of her coffee and watched Kelley as she closed her eyes and began to rub her temples.

“Look Kel, you like her I can tell. Clearly before it wasn’t such a problem so what changed? Why are you letting yourself fall apart when you have become so strong after the Hope thing? It’s just not like you.” Christen reached over and grabbed one of freckled hands hoping it would relax the girl.

Kelley finally opened her eyes, which now began to fill with tears that stung so deep into her soul. _What had changed? Was it because now she knew Alex liked girls and yet she showed no interest in her? Was it due to Tobin admitting her feelings and knowing she stood no chance now?_ She shook the thoughts out of her head and forced the tears back before clearing her throat.

“Fine Chris, yes I do like her, actually I fucking love her. But it doesn’t matter. She only sees me as a friend and I’d rather have that then nothing at all. If being only her friend destroys me so be it. Let it destroy me rather then destroying our friendship.” Kelley cut her self off. She wanted to continue, she wanted to tell Christen about the night before and how confused it left her. She wanted to tell her that she thinks she should tell Alex. She wanted to break down and explain that Tobin also had feelings for Alex and that they had made out clearly meaning that Alex felt the same way. She wanted to tell Christen how scared she was that she had returned once again to that once dark and terrifying place in her life that she swore she would never see again after Hope. But she couldn’t.

Christen squeezed the smaller girl’s hand tightly and allowed Kelley to collect herself. Finally she sighed and knew she had to be the voice of reason to the already broken, fragile person sitting in front of her. She wanted Kelley to be happy and if Alex made her happy then okay. But Alex’s recent behavior was unsettling. Heavily drinking and hooking up with random people she met was not something Christen thought highly of. This behavior was self-destructive and was clearly destroying those around her as well.

“Kel, listen,” Christen let go her hand which Kelley quickly retreated into her lap as she began to fidget with the bracelet wrapped around her wrist. “I understand you love her, I can see it in the way your behavior suddenly changes and how light in your eyes becomes so bright just as soon as she walks in a room. But..”

Kelley shifted in her seat unsure if she wanted to hear what was to be said after the “but”. However, she let Christen continue knowing that she needed to hear it.

“But, I don’t want to see you like this. You’re watching her fall down a spiral and it’s scaring you. She isn’t the same Alex we all know and love right now. You’re allowing her to hurt you in worse ways then Hope did and the girl has no clue. She is just going to continue hurting you with out realizing it.  You either need to tell her, or Kel you need to move on.” Christen finished.

Kelley continued to stare at her now empty coffee cup. She counted the lines that decorated it over and over again and she let the other girl’s words sink in. _1,2,3,4,5,6,7_. _Move on. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7. Move on. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7. Move on._

Suddenly Kelley’s phone began to vibrate on the table breaking her thought. She jumped and grabbed it quickly but not quick enough before Christen read the name across the screen. Alex. Kelley ignored Christen’s sigh as the attacker removed herself from the table to go throw away the two coffee cups.

 

 **9:33 a.m. Baby Horse <3: ** _Hey Kel, I’m really sorry about last night. I’m also sorry for leaving so early this morning. I wasn’t feeling well and needed some air. Stop by my room later if you want, Tobin and I are gonna have a movie night to rest before practice starts tomorrow. Hope you’re ok <3_ _  
_

Kelley placed the phone back down on the table and began to rub her temples again, her head now hurt even more. That’s just what she wanted, a movie night with Tobin and Alex. A movie night where all three of them get to sit in a room together in silence all knowing that something isn’t right between them but ignoring it because none of them have the courage to talk.


	3. Chapter 3

Tobin didn't know why she volunteered to be in charge of finding Kelley. She knew it was hopeless and even if she found the girl, she also knew that it was clear that Kelley did not want to be bothered with a movie night. However, as her and Alex waited patiently for a response Alex grew restless and the tension and anxiety filled the already small hotel room. The minutes turned into hours as Tobin watched her best friend continuously checked her phone and sigh in defeat every time the screen betrayed her showing that Kelley had yet to reply. Tobin reassured Alex as she left the room that she promised to only return once she found the small defender. It was a promise she didn't want to make because she knew it was a promise she couldn't keep.

Wandering down towards the elevator at the end of the hallway she decided that her first place to check would be Kelley's room on the floor above. While waiting for it to arrive she pulled the hood of her sweatshirt over her head and rested her back against the cold wall closing her eyes. _Everything was fine a month ago, everything was good a month ago. But now Alex can't even stand to be alone in a room with me and Kelley won't even speak to me. What is happening, what did I do?_

The ding of elevator arriving startled Tobin back to reality. The doors slid open slowly revealing Ali and Ashlyn giggling away like two little school girls. They immediately stopped however once they saw the tall midfielder standing in the doorway. Ali's facial expression changed from bright and cheerful to a somber look of concern. She watched as Tobin walked into the elevator, greeting them with a small smile that didn't match the typical wide mouth grin she was used to and could clearly tell something was up and that something was most likely tied to what was going on with Kelley.

She gently placed her hand on the small of Ash's back and motioned to her hoping that she too noticed the odd behavior being displayed by the girl.  

Ashlyn glanced at the small defender and nodded. She noticed. How could she not? She had known Tobin since her UNC days and she considered the childish yet chill surfer girl one of her best friends. But standing in front of her was not the Tobin she knew and loved. Instead the girl in front of her looked lost, her shoulders slumped and her face trying its best to conceal her confusion and frustration. Just looking at her broke Ashlyn's heart and she knew she had to do something about it. 

"Hey dude, hows it going?" she reached over and softly punched Tobin's shoulder. 

"Oh uh you know, it's going," Tobin responded. She began to snake the strings of her sweatshirt between her fingers, doing whatever she could to avoid eye contact with the goalie. 

"You look exhausted Tobs," Ali admitted. She softly placed a hand on Tobin's arm. 

Tobin cringed at the amount of concern that was laced within the words Ali had just spoken. She quickly tried to think of an excuse, a lie of some sort but gave up knowing that it was a hopeless cause. "Is it that obvious?"  

Before Ali or Ashlyn could respond the elevator sounded once again to announce that they had arrived on the upper floor. They filed off as Tobin fished her phone out of her sweatpants pocket. She quickly opened the email that had been sent out to everyone listing the room assignments and scanned the list until she found Kelley's name,  _room 412._

She took a deep breath and looked back at her two friends who were now in a heated yet silent argument, shooting glances back and forth. Ali glared at Ash while motioning towards the midfielder that even made Tobin suddenly scared of the smaller girl. It was clear that Tobin needed someone to talk to even if she didn't want to admit it. Ali could tell that even though Ash was well aware of this, she wasn't going to initiate the conversation. She wanted Tobin to come to her. But Ali also knew that Tobin would never do such a thing, she was a private person. The last thing the defender wanted to do was force the younger girl to open up but she knew they had to intervene somehow. She pushed Ashlyn forward and cleared her throat.

Ash turned and looked at Tobin with an apologetic look, "listen Tobs do you want to come chill back in Princess' room with us? We can just hang out, talk, or whatever you'd like to do?"

Ali slapped the goalkeeper on the back at the sound of her nickname but then turned to Tobin and flashed a bright warm smile that made Tobin feel slightly more at ease.

"I would but..." Tobin stopped herself. She knew she was suppose to be looking for Kelley but what was the point? Remembering the look on Alex's face before she left the room made the pain in Tobin's chest increase. She couldn't go back empty handed and have to witness that look once again especially not from the girl she loved. She needed a break from all of this and she could definitely use the venting session. She didn't have Kelley to turn to and yes there was Allie Long but she was technically a lot closer to Alex and so talking to her was sort of off limits.

"Okay, I'll come hang with you guys for a little," Tobin sighed.

Ali stepped towards the taller girl and wrapped an arm around her waist giving her a small squeeze. "Right this way then my dear," she replied as she directed Tobin towards her room.

-

-

Looking down at her phone, Kelley felt a sense of relief. Their first full day in Pittsburgh was almost over and the next 2 days would be less avoidance and more soccer. It was now closing in on 5 o'clock and she had spent the whole day doing whatever she could to stay far away from the hotel and if it wasn't for her phone being on 13% she would have spent the rest doing the exact same thing. Instead here she was back on her floor tip-toeing around corners and pulling 007 moves just to make sure she didn't bump into anyone. 

She felt bad for not responding to her friends but would have felt worse declining the invite and she couldn't imagine how horrible the pain would be if she did attend their movie night. The small defender stopped in the ice room to try and brainstorm somewhere to hide until they were required to return to their rooms. 

_The roof? No, Tobin knows that's my hide out_

_The car garage? Definitely not, I'm pathetic but not that pathetic._

Suddenly there was a voice down the hall. A voice she was familiar with and she didn't know why but she knew she found her hiding spot. Kelley sprinted down the hall and practically bulldozed Carli Llyod. The older woman looked as if she was going to kill the sorry asshole who almost knocked her off her feet but as soon as she saw it was Kelley her face softened. 

"Woah there squirrel, gotta watch where you're going," Carli laughed as she fixed her bun that was now falling out due to the collision. Her and Kelley were never the closest of friends but once Hope had broken the poor girl into pieces she had promised herself to fix what her best friend so carelessly destroyed. She finally finished with her hair and watched as Kelley fidgeted, clearly having something to say but not knowing how to word it. "What do you need Kell?" 

"Uhm..well..uhh.." the small girl's mind had become a jumbled mess. She was unsure if it was from tackling Carli or because she couldn't believe what she was about to ask. 

Carli could see she was struggling to form the question she had. She knew what the young freckled face girl was going to ask her and before she could even question if she would regret her decision she took her room key out of her pocket. There was something clearly going on with lately Kelley and if this is what she thought would help then she was a grown woman and she wasn't going to lecture her.

"She's in there reading a book, I'll be back later," Carli handed over the card and placed it in Kelley's hand. She quickly pulled her into a hug and then turned towards the elevator.  _Goodluck._ _  
_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the late late late update. I'm back at school and thought I would have time to write before classes started but never got the chance. Anyways, here you guys go! Hope you enjoy it and I will try to be more on top of this but if I fall behind again just know I will continue I'm just jam packed with work. Also after the next chapter I'm going to try and speed up the time line to get more up to date with the real world.


	4. Chapter 4

The cold plastic key now laying in Kelley's hand felt like it weighed a million pounds. She stood in front of the door for what felt like eternity but was actually maybe a minute or two before she slid it into the door. Her hands were shaking violently and had to swipe it again before the red light turned a bright green. Slowly walking into the room Kelley froze as soon as she saw her propped up on the bed, glasses on, head buried deep into a thick red covered book.  _Hope._

"Back so soon Carli? What did you forget this time?" Hope questioned without looking up from her book. A smirk slowly grew on her face as she teased who she thought was her best friend. 

No answer. 

Breaking concentration she glanced up and saw it wasn't Carli standing at the edge of the bed. It was Kelley. She raised an eyebrow and returned her focus to the pages in front of her but her mind was elsewhere now.

Her and Kelley had not spoken much since she had gotten married. Other then games and practices, the only time Kelley addressed her off the field was when she reassured the goalkeeper prior to the World Cup that regardless of their past, she had her back. What she had done to her was inexcusable. Top 5 dumbest decisions she had ever made. Maybe even the #1 dumbest decision she had ever made. Hope had taken the innocence out of the kid. She took her trust, her heart, and her life and smashed it until it shattered like a mirror and when Hope looked at the broken pieces that lay in front of her she saw her reflection, a cold hearted bitch. Although she regretted her decision even until this day, it was comforting to see Kelley move on. She watched the young girl over the years slowly find the broken pieces of herself and glue them back together one by one. Although some of the fragmented pieces were now permanently missing, becoming nothing but dust from so much destruction, Kelley had finally seemed "whole" again. 

The older woman shifted her eyes back up towards Kelley who was staring down at her feet. She was no longer put together, the glue was deteriorating and she was well aware of it. Without saying a word, Hope shifted over in the bed and tapped the empty space next to her. The smaller girl looked up and Hope winced. The bags she had noticed the day they arrived were now a shade darker and the pain in her eyes was a pain that the goalkeeper all too familiar with. 

Kelley let out a sigh of relief and laid down in the bed leaving a very large space between the two women. She watched as Hope turned her attention back to whatever she was reading and she was glad that there were no questions or comments about her being there. She came here to hide, not to talk. 

They sat in silence for about an hour which astonished the older woman.  _When has Kelley O'Hara ever gone an hour without speaking at least 1 word?_ She shifted her eyes down toward the small defender and immediately wished she hadn't. Kelley sat staring straight ahead, tears rolling in a steady stream down her face. She seemed completely unaware as they fell down splashing onto her sweatshirt. Not quite sure what to do, Hope continued to watch. With every tear her heart broke a little more.

Hope scooped up the young girl into her arms pulling her in "Oh Kell," she whispered.

At that moment the silent tears that were once falling turned to painful sobs that echoed through out the room. Kelley shook violently as they escaped her tiny body. The person she used to love was now holding her and telling her it was okay while she cried over someone else. It all seemed so wrong and as she tried to choke out words she only managed to cry even harder causing Hope to only hold her tighter. She tried to escape the keeper's grasp but eventually gave in and allowed Hope to hold her as her walls came tumbling down. Every once in a while the older woman would let out a soft "shhh shhh" as her thumb grazed over her hand.

After a while had passed Kelley's sobs turned into a sniffle here and there and her breathing became deep and heavy. Hope knew she had finally fell asleep and carefully snaked her right arm out from under the young girl's body. She got up from the bed and grabbed her phone. Dialing Carli's number as she headed towards the bathroom she gave one last look at the bed and smiled a weak smile. It was the first time since reuniting for the victory tour that Kelley's facial expression wasn't one of misery but one of peace. She gently shut the bathroom door and sat down on the floor. Before pressing the send button she allowed herself to enjoy this moment of silence but it wasn't long before her mind began to race.  _I haven't seen Kell this bad in a while. I don't know whether to be relieved I'm not the cause this time or disgusted with myself that I am even thinking that. God I'm so fucking selfish. I need her to know that whatever it is she can talk to me. I am here, I was always here._ She finally clicked the send button and waited for her best friend to pick up.

"Hope, I am so sorry. Please don't be mad at me I just thought that.."

"No Carli it's okay, " Hope cut her the other woman off before she could continue. "She's okay for now. She cried for a little while and now she's sleeping."

"Did she tell you what was wrong?" The girl on the other end asked in a hushed tone

"Not yet but I'm going to let her rest a little longer and when she wakes up, I'm going to see if she wants to talk."

"OK well I'm still with some of the girls at the mall. If you haven't texted me by the time we're done I'll just go hang out in Pinoe's room or something. And Hope.."

"I know Carli, I know." 

Hope heard the click and knew Carli had hung up. She took a deep breath in and let it out slowly before picking herself up off the floor. She tip-toed back out into the room and laid back into the bed hoping not to disturb the peaceful slumber Kelley had now fallen into. Opening up her book and beginning to read her eyes slowly began to grow heavier and heavier with every word and before she knew it she too fell asleep.

-

-

A slight hammering pain in Kelley's head woke her up from the best sleep she managed to have in about 2 weeks. She felt the warmth of Hope's body as it had slowly enveloped her while they napped. Her head was nuzzled between the keeper's shoulder blades and her one arm was wrapped around the woman's waist. She wanted to move but her body was too exhausted to even attempt. 

"You're finally awake little squirrel, I can tell by your breathing" Hope whispered in the darkness that had now taken over the room. 

"Oh uh yeah sorry." Kelley quickly retracted her limbs and sat up on the edge of the bed happy that the darkness hid her now crimson cheeks. "I'm sorry for showing up here like that and making you clean up a mess that wasn't even your's to clean up." She started to get up from the bed but felt a firm grip on her left wrist.

"Kell, don't apologize, that's what friends are for. Talk to me. Tell me what is wrong." Hope pleaded as she watched as the small defender turned to face her and carefully studied her for an answer. Kelley's hazel eyes were not looking at her own but instead were staring down at the hand wrapped around her's. Hope removed her grip and cursed herself  _she's broken enough and you do something like that, what an asshole you are._ Just as she was about to apologize, she felt the weight of the bed shift again as Kelley returned to where she had just been laying. 

"You only want to know whats wrong because you feel guilty, you don't actually care," Kelley said in a soft whisper. But to Hope it didn't sound nor feel like a whisper. She felt as if those words were screaming at her, hoping that the venom laced within each syllable would hurt her just as much she had hurt the very person who spoke them. 

Hope took her time to respond. Not thinking before speaking was the very reason why the small defender despised her existence for so long. She started slowly, "Kell, what happened between us in the past was my fault completely. I not only ruined the amazing relationship we had or whatever you would like to call it, but I also ruined an even better friendship. I curse myself every fucking day for what I put you through. To have to witness you go through whatever you're going through right now reminds me of how broken you were then. I know you don't trust me and you don't have to. But just know one thing little squirrel, I am here for you. I have always been here for you." Hope noticed the tears well up in her own blue eyes and forced them back. She didn't deserve to cry, at least not now. So she kept her focus on the cheap 1980's floral print comforter on the bed too afraid to make eye contact.  _  
_

However, a pleasant sound broke the deafening silence. Kelley started giggling, "Don't get emotional on me now Solo. We don't need another hurricane in this room after  Hurricane O'Hara ripped it apart earlier." By the cracking sound in her voice the goalkeeper didn't even have to look up to know that Kelley was crying. But when she did Kelley smiled with her teary eyes and placed her small hand over Hope's much larger one. 

"Alright well since you so politely asked, I hope you're prepared cause this story is long and messy," Kelley hesitated just as the larger hand squeezed her own and nodded signaling her to go on. "Ok well it begins with Alex..I think I'm in love with her."

"I KNEW IT! Wow did I not call that one from a million miles away, just to let you know it may or may not be sort of obvious," Hope jokingly said before she looked at the girl smiling "But go on."

Kelley punched Hope in the arm as she started to laugh.  _Boy this was not how I expected to spend this night._

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

When Alex woke up the next morning the feeling of loneliness overwhelmed her. It weighed her down, making the simple task of getting out of bed feel like she had just endured one of Dawn's practices during "Hell Week." Tobin never returned the night before; she called Alex saying something came up and would be with Ali and Ashlyn for the night. She was ditched and it hurt but what hurt even more was being ignored. Alex spent her whole night questioning why Kelley was being so distant and her only conclusion was she obviously did something to upset her best friend.  _But what?_ She fell asleep trying to find an answer to that very question but was left empty handed. 

Rolling out of bed, Alex checked the alarm clock next to her. She had exactly 1 hour until she had to be downstairs for breakfast. Looking over at Ashlyn's bed, she noticed that the blonde goalkeeper still wasn't back. This was probably for the better seeing as she stole Tobin the night before and she clearly was not too please with Ash right now. Slowly getting her things together for practice (knowing very well that she was dreading it), an idea crept into her head. I _f Kelley didn't want to talk to her then clearly the little defender was confiding in someone else_ and she knew exactly who that person was.

She swung her bag over her shoulder and headed towards Christen's room. She knew Chris would at least know something and vowed to herself she wasn't going to leave the room until she had an answer. Alex and Christen weren't exactly close, but sharing a best friend helped them move past being rivals and she knew if the other attacker cared for Kelley as much as she did then she would clue Alex into what exactly was going on.

Arriving at the door she knocked softly and waited; Alex thought she heard a muffled "One second" come from within. When the door swung open Christen had a bright smile on her face, that was until she saw who was at the door. Her smile dropped and was quickly replaced by a glare burning a hole through Alex.

"What do you want?" Christen hissed at her. 

"Hey, can we talk?" Alex asked weakly. She shifted her body, afraid to hear the small attacker's answer.

Christen saw Alex's body language change from strong and confident to anxious and worried and suddenly felt guilty. Sure she was mad at Alex for her behavior but she was better than this. 

"Come in." She moved from the entrance of the doorway and watched as the tall brunette let a out a sigh of relief and shuffled into the room. Christen quickly scanned up and down the hall and then locked the door. A particular little squirrel was planning on stopping by so they could grab breakfast together before practice and she knew if she was caught talking to Alex she was screwed. 

Before Christen could begin to speak Alex cleared her throat, "listen, I don't know what's up with Kell but I'm seriously worried. She won't even speak to me. I'm wondering if you might know what's going on?" Alex watched the tan skin girl shift uncomfortably and could tell that she had come to the right person.

Alex waited patiently while Christen struggled to find a way to answer. Christen knew she couldn't come right out and blow Kelley's cover but she couldn't lie either. She watched as a smirk grew on Alex's face, Alex knew that she knew.  _Kelley isn't going to tell her, so maybe if I point Baby Horse in the right direction she'll gallop off and leave me alone._ _  
_

"Listen, maybe you should talk to Kell about it. Its not my business to tell you but just know that you are involved and you're behavior lately hasn't been helping" Christen explained.

"How am I involved? I don't recall doing anything, I mean how could I do anything to her when she's been avoiding me like the damn plague. This is ridiculous," Alex felt her voice raise as her temper started to flare. "And my behavior? Are you kidding me?! Jesus Christ she likes to drink and have fun just as much as I do! God this is just like her."

"You know what Alex, you need to get out. I was just trying to help you but if you're too self-centered to realize that or realize that this isn't about your feelings getting hurt but about your so called best friend then whatever. Get your shit together Alex and then maybe you will understand why Kelley is acting the way she is." Christen was now fuming but was trying her best to keep herself composed. 

Alex's eyes grew wide, she didn't expect the other woman to raise her voice or call her out; this was uncharacteristic of Christen. She wanted to defend herself until she realized that maybe she did do something wrong and all the younger girl was doing was protecting Kelley. Alex felt the tears begin to sting at the back of her eyes, threatening to spill out at any moment. She stood up and walked towards the door. Just as she went to turn the handle she stopped and took one last look at the other woman. "I'm sorry Chris, I really am." 

Before Christen could respond Alex had already slid out the door. 

-

-

The first game of the victory tour flew by. Kelley never thought she would be thankful for her ankle pain flaring up but she was. Sitting on the bench wasn't all that bad and joking around with Syd and Becky definitely lightened her mood a little. That is why when the game was over and Alex approached her asking to get dinner together Kelley agreed. But that was 2 hours ago and now a very nervous Kelley sat on the floor of Christen's hotel room.

"Well you could text her and tell her you need to pack before our flight," Christen suggested as she folded a pair of shorts and placed them neatly into her suitcase.

"I finished packing before the game Chris," Kelley whined.

"Ok Kell, but she doesn't know that," the younger attacker laughed.

Kelley groaned and threw herself back, sprawling out on the floor,"I'm doomed." 

It was clear that she wanted to go; She wouldn't have agreed in the first place if she didn't. But after ignoring her best friend for so long she knew the dinner would be awkward and O'Hara's aren't very good at handling awkward. 

Christen looked over at her friend on the ground and watched as she mentally argued with herself over the decision. She never informed Kelley about the conversation her and Alex had the other day and felt bad not mentioning it; But she also was afraid that Kelley would be upset with the way she spoke to Alex. "I talked to her the other day. She stopped by checking in on you, I told her she needed to talk to you," she said softly.

Kelley's small body shot up from the ground, "what did you say chris?" 

"It wasn't anything bad Kell, I promise. Well I mean I did kick her out from my room and I may have called her self-centered. But in my defense she made some questionable comments and she was acting very self-absorbed," Christen spoke quickly. She watched nervously as she waited for a response and quickly relaxed when Kelley started laughing. 

"Shit dude, good for you," Kelley laughed "If you had the balls to do that then why are you letting me sit here and act like this?" 

She pushed herself up from the ground and hugged a now blushing Christen. She said a quick thank you and walked out of the room with a new sense of confidence. As she walked down the hall towards her room her phone vibrated with a message from Alex. She smiled and quickly replied.

                                            **5:36 p.m. Baby Horse <3: **Hey Kell, dinner at 6 still work for you?

                                       

 **5:37 p.m. You:** I wouldn't miss it can't wait :)                                                                                          

 

                                                                                         **  
**

 

 

 


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